Ahhhh, Halloween. Every college student’s favorite excuse to dress up in ridiculously inappropriate costumes, get shwasted, and eat too much candy. (Really that last thing is pretty much everyone’s favorite thing about Halloween.)
As we get older, however, the appeal of costumes like slutty nurse, slutty bee, male pregnant nun, or….whatever this is...wears off. (For the first two, I just googled “nurse costume” and “bee costume” because the patriarchy is strong with Halloween. But that’s a blog for another time.)
But some of us are not ready to segue into the realm of boring, normal Halloween costumes. We want to be inappropriate, damn it! But not in an impractically skanky way that will leave us freezing our asses off trick-or-treating or seriously damage our standing with our friend group.
With that in mind, I present Less than Ladylike-Inspired Halloween Costumes!
Chill The Fuck Out: Obviously, you need to channel your inner Dude for this one. Not your frat boy or surfer dude. The Dude. The one who abides. The one who only needs one name and it’s always capitalized.
Grab a well-worn housecoat or oversized sweater from the thrift store, throw on some shorts that do not match whatsoever, grab a White Russian to round out the look, and when people try to quote “The Big Lebowski” to you, do your best to correct them in your chillest tone.
It’s what The Dude would want.
Bless Your Heart: As all good Southerners know, the best thing to come out of the South is the phrase “bless your heart.” (I’m right. Don’t fight me on this.) It’s the phrase you use when you want to preserve the appearance of politeness while telling someone they are clearly a moron and really should try harder.
Bless Your Heart is best personified as a Dolly Parton wig, a big 90’s floral dress, and pearls (only one string, but long enough to twirl and the bigger the better) with plenty of side-eye.
Strong as a Mother: Created for a friend undergoing chemo, this completely unscented candle is dedicated to everyone who has ever fought through adversity. This is the candle for those who need a little light but maybe can’t stomach a scent at the moment. We think the perfect costume for strong as a mother is Rosie the Riveter.
She’s strong. She’s resilient. She gets done what needs to be done because that’s what we do, damn it.
So grab your favorite bandanna and tie it around your head, roll up those sleeves to show off those arms that have grappled with things others can only imagine, and show the world the true badass that you are.
You’re strong as a mother.
Notorious: RBG, duh.
Witchy Woman: You could go the obvious route here and embody the name of this candle. Pointed hat; warty, long nose; long, black dress; broomstick. But this candle is so much more than the storybook stereotype of a witch.
This candle is an earth goddess with long, flowing hair and tunics that don’t quit. This candle is scarves and tambourines and midnight dances under the full moon.
This candle is Stevie Nicks.
Queen: Please please please don't do a smash and grab on the crown jewels to dress as this candle. (Unless, of course, you are in the UK and then I’m pretty sure it’s required.) This is your opportunity to dress up as your own personal queen icon.
Maybe your Queen is Beyonce.
Maybe your Queen is Rihanna.
Maybe your Queen is Cher.
Maybe your Queen is RuPaul.
If you’re David Rose, your Queen is definitely Mariah Carey.
Honor your Queen this Halloween by dressing up in her honor when you go as Less Than Ladylike’s Queen candle.